Question of the century: Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

The question that everyone has been dying to know...Why did the chicken cross the road?



KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was historically inevitable.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives calledinto question.

MOSES: and God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road!!!

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your import documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN: Chicken, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such ways that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon you frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road, it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

Dedicated to my homies..:)

I posted this on my facebook page last year.. and now that i have a blog, i'm putting it here.. This entry is very controversial and sparked a huge debate on my comment box especially from the guys' side (imagine people debating about this on my tiny comment space).. Geez guys! Chill! I'm just posting this for fun!

Things Guys Should Know about girls
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. We DON'T enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
4. Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest!
5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
8. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys not us.
9. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a lesbo
10. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
11. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
12. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
13. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
14. We are DrAmA queens.
15. Fashion police do exist.
16. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
17. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
18. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.
19. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatte or beard or mustache looks, we hate it.
20. Even if you think it is cool to burp, or emit other strange gases from your body, it is not.
21. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
22. We are beautiful at all times. u hear that?!
23. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
24. Understand how to keep us happy with you
25. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget it.

Solitary Confinement

I came home 2 hours ago from the dentist.. I had oral surgery to remove my three wisdom teeth (for some reason the 4th one did not grow out).. So does that mean i am now 'unwise' cuz they took it out? (ha!) It freakin hurts right now! It's good thing i don't have any classes until Tuesday because I get grumpy when in pain.. so, i had this great idea.. right now, I'm going to talk about the "Comparative Pain Scale" I found on the internet.. see what level you are on right now..


Level 1: Barely Noticeable pain
Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.

Level 2: Discomforting
Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.

Level 3: Tolerable
A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.

Level 4: Distressing
Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.

Level 5: Very Distressing
Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine WC Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.

Level 6: Intense
Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.

Level 7: Very Intense
Painfully Distressing. Like Applying salt to a fresh wound


Level 8: Utterly Horrible
Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of Hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.

Level 9: Excruciatingly Unbearable
Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath (if you are on level 9, might as well lie down and scream).

Level 10: Unimaginably Unspeakable
Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch nail in your heel.


** Right now I think I'm On level 8.. not bad.. but it hurts so much.. kill me now!

You Look... MEXICAN??

So here's my first official post.. the other one was just an introduction.. I decided to tell you guys a really short story that happened exactly a year ago when I was still in High school (Topeka West High)..


Let me introduce you to scottie the hottie
(I removed the original photo for privacy purposes.. haha)
<<<<<---------------------------------------------

he's a swimmer, baseball, basketball and a football player.. an awesome athlete and a really nice guy.. but he seems so perfect that you'll think he does not have a flaw................ wrong!!! what did this dazzlingly beautiful, amazingly gorgeous human being ever say to moi?? well, here's the conversation that took place in the hallway:

Scott: Hey Joanne!
Me: Hey Scott, what's up?
Scott: I just have a question..
Me: shoot
Scott: Daniel and I have been debating about this.. and i'm absolutely sure that i'm right.. am I??
Me: so what's the question then?
Scott: so, if you're from the philippines...............that's in mexico right? are you from mexico????

**i wanted to start rolling on the floor but poor scottie was actually serious when he asked that question.. poor scott..:) living up the 'dumb jock' stereotype.. but don't get me wrong, until now, I still consider him as one of my coolest friends ever..:)

My First Entry! Yaaay Me!

Peasants! Welcome to my site! Well I'm just making an introduction today since it's already 11:55 central time and i still have 2 classes tomorrow (Biology and Statistics). My head hurts and I just want to get this introductory part over with. I just felt the need to write a blog because i used to own a journal and I'm beginning to get lazy so I basically don't write anything on it anymore. And since I spend a LOT of time in front of the computer anyway, I figured i should just start a blog. Before I go, you might be wondering why I'm calling everyone a peasant. I do not have Superiority Syndrome, and I am definitely not the queen of Andalasia. I just saw the movie "Enchanted" over Christmas break and I absolutely fell head-over-heels in love with it. The prince calls everyone he meets a "peasant" and I just thought that was pretty funny. What, you may ask, should be expected of my soon-to-be posted entries? Well it's basically just me, talking about events, life stories, college experience, nasty teachers, awful classes, disgusting stalkers, cheating boyfriends, trash-talking girlfriends, hot classmates, nice people, fun vacations, random shout outs, and cute, furry, adorable little creatures that I ran over with my car ( I didn't do it on purpose I swear!). Well, stay tuned peasants (and bow down to your queen.. All hail Queen Joanne! jk..jk..)!